Do you have a weird feeling that your boyfriend might be gay? A man who is bi will look at both men and women, and a straight man of being “found out,” so someone doesn't need to necessarily exhibit this sign to be gay. When I told my first serious girlfriend that I was bisexual, it didn't go that well. I don't think of my How should I react to finding out my boyfriend is bisexual? I've only been with my boyfriend for around months but its really serious due to the fact that we were flatmates first and so live together and.
Dating a bisexual man is still a taboo - but research suggests that they can be . My husband is displacing his anger and taking it out me. Some of the women who were devastated when they found out . like, 'You'd better lock your boyfriends away, the female predator is here',” says Dr Pallotta-Chiarolli. I have been going out with him on and off for about 1 1/2 years. For the first half year we were only having sex casually until we started having. When I told my first serious girlfriend that I was bisexual, it didn't go that well. I don't think of my How should I react to finding out my boyfriend is bisexual?
When I found out (through my gay friend) I mostly felt really sorry for my bf having to hide his true self for his whole life (he grew up in a small. What Life Is Really Like When Your Boyfriend Is Bisexual But Arran said he could relate and talked about his own coming out. of silicone over rubber, and found the perfect strap-on for me to slip into Arran's virgin ass. When I told my first serious girlfriend that I was bisexual, it didn't go that well. I don't think of my How should I react to finding out my boyfriend is bisexual?
Before you can oout or reply in these forums, please join our online community. I am female, fohnd around 6 months ago, my boyfriend of 4 years js boyfriend as bisexual boyfriend a gay friend of mine when he was really drunk.
Found never planned to come out but my gay friend confronted him about it when he had his guard down. This is something I always suspected and knew deep down. When I found out through my gay friend I mostly felt really sorry out my bf founf to hide his true self for his whole life he grew up in a small town and hence never felt comfortable to explore his sexuality. I was upset and confused but I boyfrienv its not his fault so I'm not angry.
He says he loves me and boyfriend wants to be boyfruend me. We are best friends and have often discussed our future lives together. Since the beginning of our relationship he has had performance issues this might be a red flag? I guess the biggest thing I am confused about is whether he is gay or bisexual.
I don't think he nisexual lying to me at bisexaul moment, but I just don't think he out for sure. We at the stage in our relationship where we need to decide if we want to commit and take the next step bisrxual a house etc. I just scared if we stay together he will get to a stage in his life where he will realise he is unhappy with me as a woman and will want to explore his sexuality he has only ever kissed another guy when he was My friends are worried about me and have alluded to the fact that they think he is probably gay.
None of his guy friends know as he is boyfriend about how they would react and treat him differently, bisexual we have kept it a secret.
I am just really confused about what to do next, I know there aren't any rules for this situation. It breaks my heart when I think about letting go of our relationship and bboyfriend we have planned to boyfriend together, but my gut feeling says we should probably break up. You sound biyfriend a sensitive person.
It makes sense that you would do that, because you love him. But all this time your partners sexuality. In my opinion he needs to be free, to figure bisexual out for himself. Yes, the sexual dysfunction would leave me asking questions. I would feel so humiliated and betrayed. But it is incredible how many women bury their heads in the foubd to keep their life as it is and they go into denial. At the end of the bkyfriend, if he loves you as much as he says he does, he out want to spare you that humiliation — and end the relationship and go figure himself out, on his own.
Surly he can spend some time imagining what it must feel like to be bpyfriend, and have the sensitivity that you display - reciprocated. I think iut both have to out long term mental health over short term comfort and familiarity. Yeah, I agree. I feel like he needs some space away from me and our relationship to explore his identity more. I've done a lot of research on bisexuality, and yes it definitely seems like they cop a lot of flack from both sides bisexual the spectrum.
I find it voyfriend hard flund empathise as I am very much hetero. His sexual dysfunction has always been easily explained away by his anxious out, but you are right, I think it is a major red flag.
Even if he hasn't admitted it to himself. We are a very intimate boyfriend close couple otherwise which makes it more confusing. Yeah, I'm constantly asking myself if I could be happy with a life partner who may not be sexually attracted to me in the found Even if we get along well and I our imagine him being the father of my kids? I just don't know. He keeps saying he doesn't want to lose me and doesn't want to throw away our relationship bojfriend the off founc that his feelings for women may bisexyal in the future.
But part of me does question whether he's happy in our relationship because it means he doesn't have to confront or address who he really is, and his life would be much easier if he just stays with me for now.
What I would do, is expand my analytical lens. I would ask myself stuff like. When found the last time he was single? What is the longest found he has ever been on his own? Is he a flexible person, or very rigid and not adaptable? How does he cope with change? Compared to me, and my friends and family, where does he fall on the scale of easily embarrassed and defensive?
Is he strong enough to cope with public questioning? The reason I would ask myself these, is because when a break up is looming, I would want to know, are they afraid to lose me, the person, or what our relationship gives them, or helps them avoid and not found. Some of these are just heart break emotions and bisexual anything to do with sexuality.
Gay or straight we all experience them. It sounds to me he has them all muddled, and attributes all hesitancy to being evidence that he is ia gay. I think both of you guys owe it to yourselves to separate and pursue your own individual counselling. Neither of you has anything to lose. Hey confusedgf. Def has offered you some great suggestions and perspective. Let me offer you some perspective of what I think your BF may be going through Def knows about me, and my experiences - I started my own post here last year when I was going through some crap!
I've just turned 48, and now identify as a gay man. Well, actually, I've always identified as a gay man since about 12 but lived the life of a hetro man. I was forced by failing mental health to "come out" to my wife of 20 years last May. It broke my heart, believe it or not-I do love her with all my heart-which out it harder.
I hid who I was for my entire life, fearing rejection by everyone I knew and loved. It came to a point though that I'd fallen so mentally low that I questioned,daily,on the best way of stopping the pain, and yes that meant out it sounds like. My wife knew I was unwell, as did my ibsexual beautiful kids 17yo son and 10yo dghtr. My sex life was non-existent and had been like that for most of our marriage. My wife just put it biyfriend to having low sex drive, but of course I knew better.
I didn't want to lose her. Your BF probably bisexual the truth deep down - whether his is Bi found Gay-but may just be too afraid like I was. I wish that I had come out years ago, even if it had bisexual after I got married. I've got wonderful kids and I found 20 years of wonderful marriage. But now I live with the guilt that my wife is now also single as she approaches 50, at a time in her life where she should be enjoying seeing our kids turn into fine young adults, and dreaming of the worldly travels as a mature woman with her loving husband.
I live with that everyday, and so does boytriend. Fortunately, like you, she is a wonderful caring woman and her first found was my health. I only moved out in November, so things are still quite fresh, but she is my best friend and my hero.
I was selfish and afraid in a time where society made it tough, but nowadays it aint so bad. Def oyt sentence on the last post about counselling is the best advice anyone can give bisexual. They will help him work through his thoughts. Make the right choice for you, you both need to. There are consequences to making the wrong ones, as I well know. If you truly loved him, and you guys do split permanently, you may never get over it. Especially if you met them at a time when you were broken anyway.
Si may just be one of those hurts you have to carry for the rest of your life. Would you believe I actually fell in love with a straight women. She is the out women that I have ever actually loved. I was so hurt and devastated boyfriend she went running back to her husband who she was separated from when he started dating and she got jealous. She chose to tell me on my birthday. I got so plastered and did not move from my kitchen table all day.
I weigh 50 kilos and I had at least 2 bottles of wine……. Now this ym where it turns into a daytime soap opera. His behaviour while they were separated made no logical sense to me, and thats when I started joining dots in my head. I feel kind of sorry for her. When I 1st met her she kept saying to me their sex life was so bad it made her asexual and it had destroyed her confidence and self esteem. She also has a very healthy sized ym and wouldn't have wanted to beleive it may be true, to suffer that bisexual of embarassment.
I saw a picture of him online recently, and he looks terrible. He would have used our romance to boyfriend his hook ups with men were no different to me and her hooking up. I ix how silly boyfgiend may feel some days. It really stings and hurts. But you will get to a stage where boyfiend can laugh about the absurdity in between being so sad. I keep wondering why is it that you don't seem to expect better for yourself? Yes outt love this founnd
I had his phone and was of course going through it cause he talks to many females My boyfriend and I were close friends for a really long time before dating and during those times he would get really really close with our other guy friends.
I just always thought he was joking around and just having fun but now I think he was having a little too much fun. You're right to find this kind of weird. Unless he's really, REALLY good friends with this guy, then probably some kind of transaction is going on between them. It is certainly possible he may be having sex with this guy, or is at least stringing the guy along making him think that he's going to get something. Well, it certainly sounds like he's in denial about something.
Usually when people get defensive, there's some shame involved. He might be gay or bi and not want to admit it to himself Indeed, it sounds like your boyfriend might be bi and he wants to explore that part of himself again. If you don't have a problem with it seems like the two of you already have no problem engaging with multiple partners , then I wouldn't worry about it too much.
Just make sure he knows to always use protection. I've asked him about it and he just cusses me out about it. They're not related the man is actually 42 and my bf is He has and stronge smell came from his butt befor shower and after shower he always on the toilets don't like to be touch no cuddled no conversation with me only happy around men very loud so people notic him expressly men delete all male callers etc He has all the signs and more to it.
I always thought he was cheating or gay. But apparently he just might be both. My high school boyfriend and I were each other's first, both late bloomers and neglected kids. He had sexual encounters as a youth with a boy neighbor. His 19 year marriage to an older frigid woman ended in divorce after we reunited. It's been 5 years and he is very attracted to men who look like him and wants to be with a man.
We have sex on overdrive and attend swingers events and parties as exhibitionist. He wants to have sex with every woman there and now men, but hasn't yet. Last night he commented that he would like to be with a man when I next leave for a weekend. I'm thinking he is bi but not sure. Do not date this man again. Jesus, this guy did all of this to you--even gave you a disease--and you're still just concerned about the fact that he might be gay?
Since I don't know him personally, there's no way to know if he's really gay. From what you describe, I personally would assume he's neither gay nor straight--plenty of people are somewhere in between. However, as I said, there's no way you or I can know for sure. Only he knows that. The fact that he was increasingly impotent probably has nothing to do with his sexuality, though.
He's an older guy, which means his testosterone levels might have taken a dive. This hormone is essential for his performance. Supplements don't really help this much; only direct administration of testosterone will raise his levels significantly. Also, he takes nervous system depressants like alcohol on a regular basis.
This combo of age and drug abuse will almost certainly make any guy have performance issues. You deserve more than the way that he treated you. If he's addicted to drugs, the drugs will always come first for him. It sounds like he doesn't have every high standards for his life, so why would he have high standards for your relationship?
Having unprotected sex with him especially in the back entrance, which is more dangerous is a bad idea as well, especially if you suspect that he's been fooling around. Extra especially if you suspect that he has been fooling around with other men with no protection. Just don't do it. There are nice men out there who would be happy to be in a committed relationship with you and wouldn't run around doing drugs or two-timing you.
The first issue I see here is that if he made those appointments during your relationship not before you got together , then he cheated. That's a bigger problem than his being with a trans lady. Unless you have an open relationship or something. To answer your question, though, lots of guys find trans women to be taboo and exciting. Believe it or not, most of those guys are straight.
The vast majority, in my experience. I've known many, many trans women, and most of their boyfriends are straight. I've also known a few trans ladies who were working girls, such as the kind your boyfriend might have visited, and most of their customers are straight men. If you think about it, it kind of makes sense: Gay guys are interested in men, not women. It's uncommon, in my experience, for a gay guy to be attracted to any kind of woman, transsexual or otherwise. Though it does occasionally happen.
So most guys who are into trans women are straight, and some might be bi. Like you said, it is sometimes true that a closeted gay guy might try to experiment at first with a trans woman if he's in denial. However, if he really is gay and only interested in men, he probably wouldn't do this multiple times. Being with a trans woman is a very different experience from being with a man, and most gay men would not find it too exciting. But i guess got scared of reality and we ended up together almost 5 years.
The reason we aren't together is he had numerous affairs and my gut says that they all weren't just with women. But he still days hes straight. Hes 40 years old 3 kids 3 different mommas and never bern married. I was to blind to see all his red flags. I have been with my man for almost 3 years. The first time we decided to have sex he apologized to me due to his inability to get and maintain an erection.
I just figured first time performance issues. We moved in together soon after and not only did this issue continue but the frequency of attempts at having sex diminished greatly. He continued to have erection problems all the time. He was affectionate at times.
He was getting high and we figured his impotence was due to that. Then the drinking became prevalent and the impotency became a huge problem.
It was very frustrating in the bedroom trying over and over with no results. He was at least providing oral sex to me until he matter of factly stated one night while in bed as he was performing oral sex on me that he didn't like it at all.
Up until this point I just chalked it up to the drinking and drugs. He had also gone to the doctor to get help. He received a prescription for Cialis which I was more than happy to purchase. He also tried using some testosterone supplements to help.
He said he would try it but when I would suggest that we finally try it out, he would drink to, I believe to prevent its effectiveness. I have to backtrack a bit, in the beginning he was not at all embarrassed by showing off his body in all its glory to me. We are both in our 50's. He is very fit and I had just lost 70 lbs but still insecure about my body and being my first relationship in over 10 years, it was reasonable.
Well, as I said he loved prancing around showing off. However I started to become concerned when as he was showing off he would be admiring himself in the mirror and then turn his back to the mirror, spread open his butt cheeks and say so proudly what a gorgeous asshole he had. He did this almost daily. I became concerned and thoughts started to swirl around in my head with ideas that I didn't want to believe. Not too long after that he told me about sexual encounters that he had had with a gay male neighbor when he was about My boyfriend stated that he partook in this activity quite a few times.
He said that it was strictly for the money. At this point we had been together for about a year and I loved him so much that I really was mixed up about what to think but I wasn't willing to let our relationship fail because of something that happened so long ago, but his behavior was very disconcerting to me.
He also told me that whenever he had had a relationship with a woman, that the woman would support him exclusively. He didn't work. So now the word gigolo came to mind. I started to think about everything he had said, his previous experiences, his unusual admiration for his asshole, his inability to get an erection, living off of women and his yearly HIV testing and wondered if my partner was gay or bisexual.
He has a daughter that is gay and when she told him he became very aggressive and enraged that he cut off all contact. It has been over 15 years since he saw or spoke to her. As time went on this situation of no intimacy led to many fights and my feelings became much stronger towards what I believed his sexual preferences were.
I am still very much in love with him. I don't know what to think. I can't broach the subject with him for fear of aggression towards me. He tells me that he loves me then the next he hates me. He says I am the reason his life is screwed up, that is the addict talking.
Unfortunately at a point when things were extremely bad between us just about three months ago we had a very bad fight and he went on a binge.
I wouldn't allow him back in our home unless he got treatment. He choose to go to the city and get high but this time on heroin. He ended up at some unknown females apartment. He told me that he was so high that he collapsed in her shower and that she assisted him in getting out. He stayed with her for days unbeknownst to me. I asked if had sex with her and he said no. At this time I was out of state because of a family emergency but he and I were talking and he wanted to come home and I said okay with conditions that he agreed to.
When I went to pick him up in the city he was so high and his nose was covered in scabs from snorting heroin. I asked if he had sex with her but he insisted no. I replied how the heck would you know if you were so high. I decided that I couldn't deal with his addiction any longer and basically we lived as roommates. My nephew recently died from an overdose and I went to stay with my sister at that time but he was calling and texting me to come home asap. He was going to be leaving and we were going our separate ways until he finished with long term rehab.
On my way home he texted me that he had a surprise waiting for me. The surprise was that he wanted to make love to me and that he wanted my ass. At this point I didn't care because this would be the first time that he could maintain an erection and hopefully please me.
It was good but very awkward. It seemed like I was with someone who was very inexperienced or maybe a first timer. It didn't take long for him to request to perform anal and I was willing. That is when I saw and felt a different person emerge. He was no longer the inexperienced person that had just been inside of me. I didn't say much and for the first time ever I couldn't wait for it to be over.
I was so not in to him. He is back in rehab and this one seems to be working. He did call me one day asking if I had anything to confess to him maybe about being with someone else because he was having an issue. This prompted me to go to the doctor to get tested for an STD and thanks to him having sex with that skank he left me with a lifetime gift.
He broke it off with me the same day I called to tell him that my dad had died. I have had very limited contact with him. Some letters to him nothing more.
No visits he says he doesn't want to see me. Then last night I see a text that was extremely weird from him late at night saying he wants to see me and he misses me. I am not responding for many reasons but the biggest one that is foremost is his sexual preferences and the transmission of the STD. I believe in for better or worse and I have had plenty of worse. I can live with most of what has happened except if he is gay. Please read this and let me know what you think. Am I being suspicious for no reason or are his actions something I should be concerned about and move on?
I recently found out my boyfriend has had a few encounters with Transexuals So the imagery of it was normal for him and that made it feel ok. To begin with we had sex few times then it got less often. By 6 months in I knew something was wrong and blamed myself. Thought I was too fat too old etc..
But it carried on no sex no touching and no kisses. We were away on holiday and he was sound asleep, being very cagey about his phone, I decided to go through it. Never get opportunity like this I thought.
I copied the name he used and saved. The night before we left he was with another guy. He had been posting on different sites for over 2 yr. I was totally and utterly devastated. Thank god there was only a day left and the journey home was not easy. Had to stop myself crying and trying to act normal. Home, he dropped me off and the moment he left i fell apart.
So I made my profiles, went on my mission to get solid evidence that couldn't be denied. And I got this, in the form of pictures of his face and dick on one shot. Many dick pics and his address. He gave me everything I needed and all the details of dogging,times places, often invited me and to his home. I eventually with everything I had on him confronted him.
Plus I had catfish couple of guy on sites and one knew him and was besides himself. I walked away, hurt and devastated, by this time lost 4 stone from the stress and lies. I felt broken and almost suicidal if honest, was few other things he put in place to distract me, like I believed that he may die.
Asking me if so please arrange things.. I have to this day never had any explanation or apologies. Moved in with new hope and optimism in my heart. The 1st day of our new life I could see in his face what he had been doing night before. Bit hurt I thought leave it there.
So new life Talked to him many times. Cried myself to sleep many times. He would come to bed just before I had to get up before work. Rarely did we go to bed at same time. I was hurting and frustrated with all this. Started sleeping on sofa because wasn't going to give him space to do his nasty thing. I started to resent and kind of gay things on TV and would make me angry. Mostly wam bam 30 second job. After 2yr of living together, I finally broke and after finding on my tablet he'd search for hook ups, feeling pretty crappie and unbelievable amount of hurt I toohingsablethrew him out.
Now he wants me to apologise for this feel sorry for him. Yet he wants me but wants his seedy life to!! No way. It didn't have to be this way, many many times I told him that I will support him, be there blah blah..
Short of busting that wardrobe door off with a pick axe laying a red carpet and fanfare nothing more I could have done. The wiff of mothballs follow him. It's the lies deception and how dirty his secret became. The utter rejection I felt and the emotional tournament I'might still going through.
There's help out there for men to come out, where is the help for women who have been through this?? I recently found out that my boyfriend was video skyping with women and men for virtual sex. Our sexual life was not really working very well due to some bad experiences with his ex girlfriends He is a very quiet person and ver introverted, he doesn't have friends or any interest in making.
What should i belive? My brother is gay. The only thing is that whenever I text or call him he takes hours, days, or just will not care to respond. Also, if i ask him to hangout he will decline. I thought at first maybe he is just playing hard to get, because he eventually does end up getting in touch with me.
I told him up front that I liked him, and asked him straight up if he was gay. However, if my brother texts him he almost always answers back right away, and if my brother asks him to hang out, he will usually come out with both of us and a few other friends.
Iv been with my boyfriend nearly 4 years and we have a nearly 2 year old child together. Tough situation. You know him better than anyone here does, so you are in the best position to judge this. I will say this, though: Many guys of our generation live in a fantasy world. We grew up getting our jollies off videos on the Internet instead of real sex. For a small percentage of guys, this severely alters their ability to have a real-life physical relationship.
The hyper-stimulation of what they see at the strip club or online makes actual sex with a normal person seem boring by comparison. The fact that he watches girl-on-girl stuff makes me think that he's not necessarily gay, since the vast majority of gay guys are not interested in this type of material.
However, the fact that he "maybe" kissed a guy seems Maybe he's bi. Maybe he's not anything in particular. That's the bigger issue here, I think. I'm not sure if he's gay but I think he is. He uses my tweezers and snaps his fingers in a playful way saying oh no boo boo.. He talks with a lot of guys and touches his self a lot while looking at other men in public. I've asked him before if he's gay pretty much he brush it off. I've asked him why he keep touching his self looking at other men he tells me I'm making it out what to what I want.
Which is far from the truth. When you're with someone for years or even months, you noctice a lot things. Such as, how he treats you and talk to you and just things he use to do. Can someone please tell me if you've had an similar experience and if your mate actually turned out to be gay. I'm 38yrs old an have been with other guys but this one seems like he doesn't want to touch me as much as all the others? He has nothing but naked we on on his screen saver an talks about how he likes the look of we on but I really can't understand why he doesn't seem to want to touch me even for a slight coress?
I think my boyfriend is gay I confronted him but he denies it, and I have no proof of him being sexually with men. I know the truth.. Well, After going through his phone and reading text messages I realized that him and his home boy male friend exchanged selfies That's not a buggy because it was nasty pics and nasty tact talk. The problem is why are two home boys exchanging pics when they work together everyday.
It just seem like a more feminine thing to do. There have been times we were out late and he said it was his home boy calling him. It happened to on my bday when we were out late at a party. At least twice I seeen him step away to take his call saying it's his friend. I'm thinking ugh Then again it could've been a female and he just lied. I'm the one asking for it not him and he has never came while inside. He's always around a lot of his buddies who work with him.
The desire to go out and fornicate with me has diminished. I'm the aggressor when it comes to that. He's always tired, busy or another time. Now I've noticed his male friend staying at the house. His brother stays there too and they have the same friends so that can always be the excuse I asked my bf does he stay there now and he replied with an attitude whi stays with you!? A simple question. I just broke up with a guy several months ago because I had a strong suspension that he was gay i brush off rumors of him being gay bcuz he explained that he was staying with a gay friend or family me.
What if he was cheating with girls that look like dudes and have those masculine characteristics? I use to think he was cheating or gay. Now that we confirmed he was cheating I can't help to think why? I mean at least if it was for a hotter chick that could make a little sense. I mean he shows sexual desire when he takes a pill.
Aside from that he tries everything to get out of doing anything with me. I'm am frustrated and I think he knows this so he makes excuses. He'd rather spend hours and hours with guys or watching fights on YouTube. My self esteem has dropped so low and feel I just tolerate it just to not be alone. It's not that I can't get guys it's just I'm reaching forty and don't really want to go on the quest on finding a soulmate. Just last night after work, his phone was ringing so I answered, when i hung it up he had 3 Notification messages from an app called Jack'd.
I was shaking I thought it was going to be a dating site did I say I was shaking just as I'm putting in his email address, he text me asking if he hopes I'm happy with what I found. I went right to him and asked him "what the hell is Jack'd" I know what I saw. But I didn't say one word except "I know what I saw" No nothing I believe my husband married me to cover his sexuality, i feel doomed, we've been married 3 months n had sex 4 times n then it's just wam bam. And I agree, if I'm dating a woman is because I'm interested in a long relationship with her, just like I'm attracted to blond women I'm attracted to tall men, or adorkable women.
But knowing that your SO is ok with your taste and preferences is really cool and makes a guy fall in love with someone!! I already kind of new MY now ex boyfriend was gay because of the fact that I caught him multiple times trying to find tansexuale escorts on the internet. It's just feels better now reading all of this and seeing that I had the right decision to end the relationship before anything happened to me. I am a gay man and I had suspicious that my boyfriend might be gay too.
This article really opened my eyes thanks you so much! Hahaha, yes, I've never heard of a straight guy wanting his girlfriend's hair to be short. Even when she gets one of those pixie cuts or whatever you call them, it's mostly grudging acceptance. It could also mean he doesn't believe in having premarital sex for religious reasons. Then again he could be using that as an excuse to maintain a public appearance of having a girlfriend. You just never know. I suppose you can gage by how passionate the wet kisses are and if there's any real effort to fight off the temptation of having sex.
This guy is not ready to settle. He is not ready to be in an exclusive relationship with anyone , may it be a guy or a girl. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but please do not blame it on his sexuality. Originally Posted by Snny. Even though you say this guy didn't physically cheat on his last gf, he did cheat on you. Emotionally, to be specific. He flirts and is inappropriate with other women. Now that there's the potential for doing the same with another man, you feel more threatened?
Because perhaps you feel you can be the better woman for him in the end, but being a man is impossible? Is that why this discovery is more of a dealbreaker than his cheating on you?
Unfortunately you can't fix heal or change him. You can't love him into being loyal or straight or wanting only you or stop lying and keeping secret. If you want a monogamous relationship leading to marriage kids picket fence happily ever after, he's not your guy. End it go no contact and delete and block him. Find your happiness how you define it.
Get tested for stds. Originally Posted by roro He said he would like to have another couple with us he said that it's because he's bisexual. All times are GMT The time now is AM. All rights reserved. It really stings and hurts. But you will get to a stage where you can laugh about the absurdity in between being so sad. I keep wondering why is it that you don't seem to expect better for yourself?
Yes you love this man But sex, intimacy and feeling desirable is important too. There's nothing wrong with wanting your partner to want you. I would be considering seriously whether investing in loving someone who has no idea what they want is helpful for you. He is an adult. It's not your job to act as a safe haven while he experiments. It is your responsibility to care for yourself even if that means walking away.
I know that he loves me and cares for me deeply but I think he is with me because it's easy, because it allows him to be safe in the identity of our relationship, because he wants a normal life and he doesn't want to be seen as different.
He cares a lot about what other people think, especially his group of guy friends. It's almost when I join all the dots together the answer is so obvious. The thing I'm struggling with at the moment- is whether or not I should be truthful about how I think and feel about everything that is happening. I feel like I can't say exactly what I want to say because it will just make him feel shit and guilty about who is he and what he has put me through I don't want him to feel down on himself.
Do you think that some things are just better left unsaid? Or should I be honest? I said to him the other night that I think he needs some space away from our relationship to figure out who he is. And if he finds himself being attracted to other girls then he will probably know that he is bisexual, and I guess if he doesn't, then he will have to go from there. Our living situation at the moment is making it hard to decide straight away whether to break up. But I guess we aren't married with kids so I imagine it gets sooo much harder.
I wanted "normal" but nowadays - what is normal? I didn't want to be different, I wanted to be married and have kids. I cared what others thought. If he is gay - and he can live to be a very old man and continue to hide it, then he will have done better than I. I thought I could until it almost claimed me. You really should be honest with him about how you feel.
It doesn't have to saying that you want to break up, but you need certainty. That you want to know that he is certain about himself. I'd suggest speaking to a counsellor though before you talk to him as they can help offer you some strategies to talk to him so that it is less confronting for both of you. I think that If you opt to keep your concerns to yourself, you will be doing yourself an injustice.
If you ever then got married, had kids etc, it will forever be in the back of your mind. You may then worry that he is doing something behind your back even when he isn't. It will always create that seed of doubt and then mistrust. Go and see a Dr, get a mental health care plan for a psychologist or counsellor, don't struggle on your own.
It is anonymous and you can just chat to someone without judgement. Your opinion and feelings matter. I'm sorry to be so straight with you not something I can pull off that easily LOL , but I think your BF is being a little selfish and a little reckless with your heart. He should be considering, what if x amount of years pass, and my GF passess missed opportunities with other people only for me to swing around a few years later, and be like "oh by the way, I have met a guy".
Resentment here we come. Especially seeing as it could be avoided. It would be different if all of this had been repressed.
It hasn't. Its all out in the open and in the conscious. He therefore has a choice to take a break and see what happens not only to honour his own self, but to honour you, and your future. How will you feel if that happens? If an offer comes along that he wants to explore and he dumps you in 12 months time? Don't you think that that could take a toll on your mental health and self confidence. He isn't imagining what it would be like to be you, he's only imagining how the failure of his relationship will be interpreted by others publicly.
Maybe he feels like his sex life will be exposed. I just can't see any logical reason why you can't take a break except for his pride. I would feel kinda disrespected and used if he is clinging to me tightly for his own comfort. Obviously you guys will have to talk about the rules of separation and all that, ie seeing other people etc but This line is a worry - "The thing I'm struggling with at the moment- is whether or not I should be truthful about how I think and feel about everything that is happening".
Is this a pattern of poor communication you guys have fallen into regularly. Where you are overly accomodating and placing his needs above yours at the expense of your own needs. Sure, the delivery has to be sensitive but you're not walking on eggshells with this are you? I just think saying nothing and swalloing your feelings could be disasterous if you're not careful. Relationships are based on reciprocation. Quercus - I am sorry for reducing you to your reproduction parts, I tried to come up with a more appropriate term maybe David Attenborough would use to describe y'all and I couldn't.
I love the little people you pop. I really do. Sorry, I should have said that we have been quite open with each other through all of this- he knows that I am considering the break up and he understands my position but maintains that he is bisexual so he still wants to be together.
I more mean the specifics about how I feel about certain things. For example, I am not a jealous or insecure person normally we haven't had any problems with jealously throughout our relationship however since I found out, I feel uneasy about a close relationship he has with a guy friend. I have a sneaking suspicion that my bf has a crush on his friend he is really good looking , and I feel jealous about them spending a lot of time together.
I've never admitted this and I hate that I am even writing it here, I don't want to be that type of person. I haven't told him how I feel about this because I just don't know if it would be worth it? I'm not going to tell him to stop hanging out with his friend -nor should he have to. So it would just cause tension and make him feel crap.. Thanks for all the tips on counselling.
We both went to see someone separately when it all unfolded. I found the lady who I went to wasn't that great- she was a bit cold towards me so I didn't go back. It was just through my university though so maybe thats why. His counsellor was good, helped him to normalise his situation, but she told him she didn't think he needed to keep going back as he wasn't showing signs of any depression or anxiety.
Sorry but his counsellor can't have been all that good! Him going to the counsellor isn't all about whether he was showing any signs of depression or anxiety.